My first year as a Mom

I have wanted to reflect on my first year of Motherhood and have tried to write this post several times.  I would like to share some good memories and some things I would just like to forget, but I have had difficulty getting the words out.

In the early days, I was filled with so much self doubt.  Having this little person beside me, absorbing everything he saw, scared me to death.   I want Camden to have a good childhood, to be a happy and loving child, to learn and experience life.  I didn’t (and don’t) want to mess that up for him.

After a year, I am happy to report I have mellowed a bit.  I am using my gut instinct more and have stopped reading the books.  I have learned I will make mistakes (bumping his head into the door frame) and will sometimes be a second too late getting to him (eating cat vomit), but I love him. 

I love him very much and I will always do my absolute best for him.

That will have to be enough, for him and for me.  No more beating myself up.  I am not super woman; I cannot do it all alone.  I rely on Ron, my Mum and my friends for solace on the bad days, for laughter over the silly things and for guidance when I need it. 

Camden was meant for me and I am so proud to be his Mum-Mum.  Thank you baby boy for the most wonderful year of my life. 

Some memories (good and bad):

 - Camden’s ruffled bed-head when he wakes from a nap

- Changing him on the bed the first time, a river of poo, mess everywhere, calling for back-up, learning to give him 10 more minutes to finish.

- Holding him in my arms as the exact time of his birth approached and quietly singing Happy Birthday to him as he fell asleep.

- Milky breath and all those milk drunk faces he made

- Cam falling off the bed the first…and second times (bad Mommy)

- His soft hair tickling my nose when I give him kisses

- The wonderful moment shared with my Mum the day Camden came home from the hospital.  Hugging and crying, Camden passes a huge amount of gas and totally ruins the moment.

- After weeks of trying to get him to smile, finally figuring out that blowing on his belly did the trick

- Watching Ron and Camden play together and witnessing the love.  Amazing! 

- Hearing Mum-Mum for the first time and knowing it meant me

- Tiny fingers holding my hand, tiny arms going around my neck, sloppy kisses gracing my cheek and toasty warm snuggles in the wee hours of the morning.